If we don’t know what serves our writing, then how can we serve our writing (instead of other people)?
I understand the belief that making other people happy can bring happiness. I’ve been there: the people pleaser. But really, I wasn’t happy. I was living by a code that told me I could only be happy when other people were. I strived for decades under this belief, yet I never achieved lasting happiness. It’s no coincidence that during this time, writing was fraught because I was always focused on what other people would think.
Now, If I took up a hobby – say, table tennis – and I played everyday for twenty years I’d be really good at it, right? Yet, there I was, practising a code that promised happiness, but I was no better at happiness than when I started. In fact, there were many days, over that ten years, when I was miserable. And I couldn’t say the people around me were particularly happy either. Here I was, living to make other people happy, so that I could be, and I was failing on all levels.
This is just one code that doesn’t get us anywhere. There are many others. It might be that I work with a writer who finds it hard to say, ‘no’ to people. They spend time doing things for others while their own life goes unattended. Or, they believe they don’t have time to write.
What keeps us upholding these codes?
Habit: the mind’s belief this code is the key to survival.
During periods in my twenties and thirties, I wasn’t happy. But because I was living by this code, I would be annoyed with the people around me: why were they unhappy? Didn’t they understand that this meant I couldn’t be happy? Couldn’t they just bloody sort it out?
No, they couldn’t. They were too busy seeing I was unhappy. I was asking something of them, which I couldn’t do myself. Getting clear about the irony of all this was such a relief. It enabled me to step into a space where I could look at what was going to serve me and my writing.
When I practice this, and guide my clients to practice this, I keep my eye on one important principle: find a way to serve yourself and your writing that doesn’t involve anyone else having to be a certain way. It means you focus looking on how to be the writer you want.
If you are struggling with what you can do to serve yourself and your writing then book in for a FREE discovery call and find some answers today.