Each day, I receive some new piece of learning about my work as a writer and Life Coach. This is when I revisit my core principle of being clear about what I want and where I’m heading. The deeper I delve into these areas, the more powerful the results.

At every moment, we’re creating our lives. Right now, sitting in this chair, writing, I’m creating my life. Because I know what I want – my own Life Coaching Centre for Writers and Creatives – it gives this moment meaning. I feel a purpose to what I’m doing, taking this time to write about how powerful it is to know where you are heading. So even though it’s just me and my notebook, the moment feels worthy, vital.

I used to look at my current situation, and the relationship I was in, and feel conflicted. Was I with the right person? Why were my friends getting married and having children and I wasn’t? These questions did not feel good. I wasn’t able to answer them. In fact, they could only ever be rhetorical, and the point they were making was not a comfortable one. These moments did not feel worthy!

It used to be the same with my writing. In this case, even though I wanted an agent and a publishing deal, I didn’t believe it would happen, and I certainly couldn’t picture or describe the destination. Rather than being the act of pleasure that writing is now, I would find it an endeavour that brought turmoil.

In both these cases, what was happening was the present moment of my life – being or not being in a relationship, writing or not writing – served a purpose of bringing pain and confusion, rather than vitality. I felt a sense of, ‘what’s the point?’ It was a sad feeling of powerlessness, when I was certain I was worth more.

If we don’t know where we’re going, or we don’t believe we can have what we want, then this is the life we create. Our pursuits will only ever highlight that doubt: why am I doing this if there is not future? We see life as the painful proof that we ‘can’t’: I can’t write, I can’t finish anything, I can’t be with someone in a happy and fulfilling way, I can’t have a life that inspires me.

The principles I now live by a Life Coach and Writer did not arrive one day, so that I woke up and all of this was ‘fixed’. I learnt, over a period of time, the profound difference that knowing what I want and where I’m going make to my life. This means I’ve absolute certainty that if I’m feeling uncomfortable, this isn’t proof my principles don’t work, but that I’ve slipped and lost sight of them.