I used to be in agony, during these times of answerable questions.
How could I have come this far in my writing and still not know?
This triggered an anxious sense of time running out. In fact, it was already too late. The important ‘thing’ that was meant to happen in my youth had not happened. I’d missed my chance. It was a case of just rolling along now, doing the best I could to carry this failure. Yet, I wasn’t able to give up. And, even though I didn’t know what I couldn’t give up on, I knew I had to get somewhere other than ‘here’.
I was in a cage, determined to find a way out.
These amazing journeys I’ve taken are why it’s such a privilege to help others find their way. I know fear. I know pain.
So, how did I find my way?
Where I’d been ‘going wrong’ was to experience my feelings about my writing and want to find a place beyond them. I was facing sadness, frustration and incarceration, and I sought freedom. But all these feelings were me:
I was experiencing what it was to not be able to see myself. I felt the sadness of my writer for being overlooked, the frustration of my voice for not being heard.
And that sense of incarceration. This was the writer within, trying to tell me how trapped I was in my mind.
Here I was, desperately trying to get beyond all this, and simply throwing my attention further away from the place that it was needed – ME – looking beyond the very thing that was asking to be seen.
Through my writing, my practice of sitting and seeing my thoughts, feeling my body and breath, I began to find a familiarity in these feelings.
These sensations were simply an indication that someone was there. It was my mind that slathered on an interpretation. It was my mind that decided what to do about it.
Each day, I practiced just making contact with these feelings. They began to feel like company, always there. They slowly felt like love.
It was only my head that said, ‘your life has been a waste. All these years and you still know nothing’.
My feelings, were simply feelings – glorious, pure and innocent.
When I sat to write each day, I noticed my thoughts were judgmental. They disapproved of the words I chose, the quality of my sentences. They told me, nothing would come of this. Yet, on the page, determined not to give up, the words slowly began to separate themselves from these thoughts.
Another voice was revealing itself, despite the cage of my mind.
I realised my thoughts were the bars of the cage, and I’d got to a place where I was no longer focusing on the bars. Yes, they were still there, as thoughts are, but they couldn’t hold me. I’d slipped through to the other side. I watched the cage from a place of freedom. It could no longer keep me from myself.
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What is #writenomatterwhat?
My work is aimed at guiding writers to a place where they can write, no matter what, coming to the page with an acceptance of who they are and how they want to truly express themselves. My One to One Coaching, Group Program and Self Study Package are all aimed at enabling writers to write in the way they have always wanted, overcoming doubt, procrastination and fear, to be the writer they truly deserve.
Follow me on YouTube for weekly videos of my #writenomatterwhat campaign where I take a typewriter to a new location every week, write for ten minutes on a one-word prompt before reading to camera. This is the year to be the writer that you aspire to be and write, no matter what!